The Next Level of Parenting

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By Nicholeen Peck

So many people ask me how to take their parenting to the next level, even with their out-of-control children. A man I really admire named Jeffrey Holland said, “… the only real control in life is self-control.” True self-control is the next level of parenting. Here’s why.

You can control the settings on your computer, and control the television choices that come into your home. You can control all the things written down as your Family Standard and you can control what your family eats for dinner, but you can’t control another person. No matter how hard you try and how much power you try to look like you have, the only person you can control is yourself.

Since that is the case, we should capitalize on that power we have to control ourselves, or govern ourselves. If we can control ourselves then we have no need to try to control another person, because our self-control will come across as a feeling of confidence and power. This is the next level of parenting! When a person has the confidence that comes from self-government that person is respected and looked up to. Then control isn’t really necessary.

So, if we want to inspire our children or friends to have more self-control then we need to be the example. The more self-control we have the more our children will want to respect us and want to be around us.

Every time I am with a group of young people I am one of the most strict, or principled, adults the youth have met. Most adults would think this is not a good impression to a group of young people, but I have found the result on the young people to be just the opposite. Young people respect me and flock to me. They see I am a fun person, but also a very controlled, principled person as well. They often respect me more than they respect other adults who are just there for a laugh or going along for the ride, because they feel that I stand for something and that I really believe in doing something about what I stand for.

Self-control, and personal statement makes an honest person. The youth know what they will get with me and they know what the expectations are. And, my expectations are high. They like that too. People like to be around honest people. They feel safe and inspired.

The only real control and real power we have is self-control. When Benjamin Franklin was a young man he noticed thirteen things he didn’t like about himself and made a list of them. Then he took his list and one by one conquered each of the flaws on the list. He practiced self-control. Since he practiced self-control he was powerful. He was able to have influence in many nations. There was no man in the Americas more respected the Benjamin Franklin, save maybe George Washington, who was another amazing example of self-government.

Take your parenting to the next level in your home and be an influential and happy parent by choosing to control yourself. No more excuses. We all need to recognize that we are the key to our own happiness and to our family’s desire for self-control, for all the amazing things that stem out of developing the powerful characteristic of self-governing or, more commonly termed, self-control.

About the author: Nicholeen and Spencer Peck are parents of four and previous foster parents of many. They have been trained and certified in using the “Teaching Family Model”, which was developed at Boys Town and is used by the Utah Youth Village. The Pecks did foster care for very difficult teens. They taught children with ADHD, OCD, kleptomania, compulsive lying, anger control issues, etc. Nicholeen said, “I taught behaviors, not medication. They would come to us on many medications and usually leave not on any medications. Many children are misdiagnosed. They just need to learn cause and effect better.” Nicholeen has been teaching self-government skills to people all over the world for 13 years and has published a book on this subject called “Parenting A House United.” They have a new Implementation Program that Nicholeen calls, “…the greatest thing we have to offer families yet!”

Receive a FREE content rich audio class taught by Nicholeen Peck to help yourself, your teens & toddlers learn Self-Government skills like: Following Instructions, Accepting No Answers, Accepting Consequences, Disagreeing Appropriately, Problem Solving, & Calm Communication at

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