A Problem with Today’s Parenting

Many parents try to be far better parents than their parents were, yet their children grow up feeling lost and empty. Discover why in this article. There was an interesting article in The Atlantic, entitled “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy: Why the obsession with our kids’ happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother reports.” The article is about the way many parents focus much of their energy on being there for their children, but their children end up feeling lost and empty. One of the issues I’ve written about extensively is that half of good parenting is being there for our children, and the … [Read more...]

Parenting Teenage Girls – Challenges Parents Face

Why is my daughter so different since she hit adolescence? The most obvious difference between boys and girls when they hit adolescence is that while boys tend to withdraw, girls engage and often they engage with a fight. That is not to say that girls don't spend enormous amounts of time in their rooms, on the computer, or talking on the phone, however, they tend to pick battles and fight with their parents more often than teenage boys. Teenage girls struggle to regulate their emotions which often times feel overwhelming, confusing and "all over the place". This is what creates those moments where you may witness (or more often be on the … [Read more...]

Helping Your Kids Overcome Fear of Failure

Dr. Sherri Singer's article from last week, Why Failure Is Not Always A Bad Thing For Kids, addresses the very important topic of learning and striving for success (meaning whatever you want to accomplish) and to keep going at it rather than giving up in the process. Dr. Singer's article has a wealth of wisdom that may be overlooked by some readers because it was written from more of a logical, academic perspective rather than a personal and passionate one--which is why I'm revisiting her article and using my own personal experience to examine how we can cultivate a passion for learning and to instill more awareness of the value of lifelong … [Read more...]

Why Failure Is Not Always A Bad Thing For Kids

We have all heard, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." What happens when you don't succeed, though? Do you really try again? Or do you give up? A new study by French researchers found that children who were told learning can be difficult, and that failing is a natural part of the learning process, actually performed better on tests than kids not given such reassurances. As a Psychologist who works with success and the benefits of failure every day, I believe there is no better way to take the punch out of failure and keep a kid going on work than to train them to fail with grace. In the study, they focused on a … [Read more...]

Listening To Your Teenager – Tips For This Important Skill That Can Improve Your Relationship

By Karen Vincent A parenting skill that is very powerful with teenagers is Listening. I know... this can seem like a very basic and obvious skill, however, this is not necessarily the case and this can be a tricky skill with teenagers sometimes. The reason for this is because it can be scary for teenagers to think about how much they need you and rely on you as their parent or guardian. Think about how much energy they spend pushing you away in an effort to prove how much they DON'T need you (which FYI they are trying to prove to themselves more than to anyone else). Because of this, it is important for parents to take advantage of the … [Read more...]

The Next Level of Parenting

By Nicholeen Peck So many people ask me how to take their parenting to the next level, even with their out-of-control children. A man I really admire named Jeffrey Holland said, "... the only real control in life is self-control." True self-control is the next level of parenting. Here's why. You can control the settings on your computer, and control the television choices that come into your home. You can control all the things written down as your Family Standard and you can control what your family eats for dinner, but you can't control another person. No matter how hard you try and how much power you try to look like you have, the … [Read more...]

Parenting Teenage Girls – Aim For Parental Influence, Not Control

When you're parenting teenage girls (or, for that matter, teenage boys) your goal or aim as a parent is to exercise your parental influence, not necessarily control. Trying to control your teenager, even if she isn't particularly strong-willed, will not work and isn't healthy for her, either. The topic of parental influence vs. control is one I had to struggle with myself, as I was brought up with a parenting style that fit more in the "dominator" than the "partnership" model and I didn't want to repeat that pattern with my own kids. I grew up in the sixties and seventies and my mother was definitely controlling. I think the combination of … [Read more...]

How To Stop Arguing With Your Teenager

Besides telling your teenage daughter every single day that you love her (the importance of which I have written about here), refraining from arguing with her is another major step a parent can take that will do wonders for both teenage self-esteem as well as the parent-teen relationship. Not arguing includes refraining from raising your voice, cursing, and using any kind of insulting language. In fact, a recent study (that Dr. Joseph Mercola, MD has written an article on just last week) suggests that arguing, criticizing and using harsh verbal language is counterproductive and can make your child even more defiant. Not only that, it also … [Read more...]

Our Daughter’s Body Image and Ourselves

Parents, and especially Moms, I want to talk about the tough subject of your daughter’s body image, health and well being. As puberty becomes a driving force in your daughter’s life, her self-image and esteem are sure to become a part of her awareness. This time in her life is potentially the most sensitive and influential experience of her body image memories. She is adjusting to a new physical frame, emotions that go with it, the opposite sex, and the external forces of peer pressure and/or attention. It sounds like the making of a time bomb but it doesn’t have to be that way. I’ve been a guide and witness to this process for over … [Read more...]

Teenage Girls + Media = Low Self-Esteem

Is it really true that teenage girls + media = low self-esteem? The issue of media's impact on teenagers has generated a lot of interest in the last decade. Despite contradictory findings, all researchers agree that teenage girls as a group are focused on their looks—especially on what they don't like about themselves! Marketing departments and ad agencies spend millions each year targeting teenage girls who spend much of their hard-earned dollars (and their parents' hard-earned dollars) on looking good. Although the message of "girl power" is prevalent in today's marketing messages, so is the irrefutable idea that "sexy" and "thin" are … [Read more...]