One morning I woke up feeling moody because I was really looking forward to a long earned “sleep in.” Instead, I opened my eyes far earlier than planned to a loud workman’s voice. It was an immediate bummer. I told myself, let it go. Then my husband walked in our bedroom and asked for something that required me getting up, before I was really awake. You can imagine how happy I was inside my head. I share this with you because this was the simple but also toxic trigger that almost ruled my morning. I’m sure some of you can relate to this scenario. As our teenagers stretch themselves to be seen, heard and known, they too are easily swayed by … [Read more...]
Why Do Teenagers Seem To Take It All Out On Their Parents?
November 22, 2013 by Leave a Comment
By Karen Vincent I have heard so many parents say that they do not understand how their teenager can behave for teachers, with their friend's parents, with relatives but not with them. This often causes parents to question their parenting abilities and can create a lot of negative feelings between parent and teenager. What is likely happening if you are in this situation, is that you are receiving the biggest backhanded compliment from your teenager. It feels more just like a backhand period...but it many ways, it really is a compliment. What happens is that teenagers walk around confused, unsure and often feeling out of control much of … [Read more...]
Why Failure Is Not Always A Bad Thing For Kids
October 24, 2013 by Leave a Comment
We have all heard, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." What happens when you don't succeed, though? Do you really try again? Or do you give up? A new study by French researchers found that children who were told learning can be difficult, and that failing is a natural part of the learning process, actually performed better on tests than kids not given such reassurances. As a Psychologist who works with success and the benefits of failure every day, I believe there is no better way to take the punch out of failure and keep a kid going on work than to train them to fail with grace. In the study, they focused on a … [Read more...]
Listening To Your Teenager – Tips For This Important Skill That Can Improve Your Relationship
October 10, 2013 by Leave a Comment
By Karen Vincent A parenting skill that is very powerful with teenagers is Listening. I know... this can seem like a very basic and obvious skill, however, this is not necessarily the case and this can be a tricky skill with teenagers sometimes. The reason for this is because it can be scary for teenagers to think about how much they need you and rely on you as their parent or guardian. Think about how much energy they spend pushing you away in an effort to prove how much they DON'T need you (which FYI they are trying to prove to themselves more than to anyone else). Because of this, it is important for parents to take advantage of the … [Read more...]
Parenting Teenage Girls – Aim For Parental Influence, Not Control
September 30, 2013 by Leave a Comment
When you're parenting teenage girls (or, for that matter, teenage boys) your goal or aim as a parent is to exercise your parental influence, not necessarily control. Trying to control your teenager, even if she isn't particularly strong-willed, will not work and isn't healthy for her, either. The topic of parental influence vs. control is one I had to struggle with myself, as I was brought up with a parenting style that fit more in the "dominator" than the "partnership" model and I didn't want to repeat that pattern with my own kids. I grew up in the sixties and seventies and my mother was definitely controlling. I think the combination of … [Read more...]
How To Stop Arguing With Your Teenager
September 23, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Besides telling your teenage daughter every single day that you love her (the importance of which I have written about here), refraining from arguing with her is another major step a parent can take that will do wonders for both teenage self-esteem as well as the parent-teen relationship. Not arguing includes refraining from raising your voice, cursing, and using any kind of insulting language. In fact, a recent study (that Dr. Joseph Mercola, MD has written an article on just last week) suggests that arguing, criticizing and using harsh verbal language is counterproductive and can make your child even more defiant. Not only that, it also … [Read more...]
The Importance Of Telling Your Teen You Love Her Every Single Day
August 5, 2013 by 2 Comments
Not long ago I learned of the importance of telling your teenage daughter that you love her, every single day. (I wish I had known this sooner.) Telling your child you love her daily and demonstrating that affection with a hug, a kiss or a pat on the back is something that might have come easy when she was smaller, but now that she's a teenager with a bad temper or a streak of rebellion and some distance has grown between you it might be harder for you to do. Or, you might have grown up in a family where saying "I love you," was not something that was done very often. Growing up in my family, for example, it seemed those words were … [Read more...]